What does it mean when you can’t stop thinking about someone? Are they your true love? A friend? Or just someone you really should get over?
The truth is there are a million reason why we might think of someone, but let’s have a look at some of the more common reasons.
Falling in Attraction
There are various different reasons we’re attracted to someone. As someone wise once told me, there are five layers of attraction: physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual and sexual. If you like someone’s body and mind, you may feel very attracted to them, you can’t stop thinking about them, but getting to know them you might very well realize that they will never satisfy you emotionally.
There are also ways of making people attracted, both women and men tend to fall for people whom they have to work for a little bit (as it proves the person won’t just go for anyone and people are drawn to a challenge), people who have other people interested in them and people who are overall confident and happy.
Unfortunately we also tend to fall for people who prove our not so pleasant thoughts about life and love to be true; a reflection of our wounds if you so like.
In other words, you really need to check why you think you’re attracted to someone. Even if it’s a mutual match on all levels, you also have to build a sustainable relationship.
Whatever the case, whatever the form of attraction you feel, and especially if you feel you have to work to get someone, you’ll be thinking about them.
Trying to Figure Something Out
This sometimes falls into the above category, but we tend to think about people who we can’t figure out. They appear a little bit mysterious to us, whether we’re blinded by attraction, or simply can’t work them out.
At other times, we’re simply trying to figure out how to make someone like us…that can lead to a lot of thoughts too. Like what dress to wear, what to say, what to do…but really, be yourself, learn people skills, focus on creating a great life for you and chances are the right person will like you!
A Wounded Soul
Ever met someone who was generally charming, but who had a dark side, or a problem? And you wanted to solve that problem, didn’t you? Heal their wounds. Make them feel better. You might even have excuse just about any negative action they took, because you pitied them and you wanted to be their savior.
Beware, your only job in a relationship/friendship is to love someone. There are professionals who can deal with healing peoples’ minds. Taking that job upon yourself, unless you truly really are a support pillar in their life and that’s what you want to be, only leads to an unhealthy relationship.
A Wounded Ego
Ever had someone do something that slightly hurt your feelings, or made you feel like you needed to prove yourself to them? Like that irritating person who always came first place and you second? Or that guy who hurt your feelings by rejecting you and now you want to prove that you’re so great at dating other guys that he will get the hint that he doesn’t matter?
This is a trap! An ego trap. What matters in your life is you having fun, you challenging yourself mentally and physically to get better at things, you doing what you love. Screw what other people are thinking and screw your ego’s need to put itself in a perceived superior position. When your ego says you have to prove yourself, you have to look better than someone else, or whatever it is it feels you need to do, tell it to shut up and go do something that really matters instead. You will be so much happier if you start listening to your heart instead of your ego.
Anger
It happens we think a lot about someone, not only because they hurt us, but because we’re angry about it and we never told them. If you want to tell them, do so. Speak from the heart, make them see the pain (an angry outburst will only lead to them attacking you in return, or defending themselves). If you don’t want to talk about it, let it go. Realize they did wrong, your part in it (if any) and move on. Stand up for yourself as you move forward, even if you can’t do much about the current/past situation, but don’t hold onto grudges. As the saying goes: when you forgive someone you let a prisoner free: you.
And if you ever want proof of what good it does to stand up for yourself when angry and letting it go once it’s past, read Curing Back Pain: The Mind Body Connection by Dr. John Sarno. It’s an incredible insight into what suppressed emotions can do to us.
A Distraction
Do you have a lot going on in your life right now? If so, maybe thinking about that one kiss with that one guy, is a lot easier than thinking about whatever is going on? Sometimes thinking a lot about someone is simply a decoy; we’re thinking about them because we don’t want to think about ourselves, or some aspect of our lives.
A Connection
As mentioned in the first point about falling in attraction, we have different connections with all sorts of different people. When we meet someone we have a connection with, mental, emotional, or otherwise, we tend to think about them because we’re curious. Sometimes these connections turn out to be really helpful ones, at other times we’re drawn to people who have similar wounds as ourselves, or people who see life in the same dysfunctional manner we do. At other times we are annoyed because someone has a similar flaw to ourselves and we think they don’t hide it well enough, or don’t suffer as much pain from it as we do.
The best connections, of course, are the people whom we can share wonderful experiences with us because they understand us in a way that’s helpful to us.
What to Remember When Thinking of Someone
If you are thinking about someone a lot, stop and ask yourself why. Get curious. Be open to finding out what’s really going on. Then work on finding balance. We all lose our senses a little bit when we fall in love, or get really angry, enjoy the love and sort out the anger, but do other things to. Things like hardcore exercise, time with friends, time in nature, focusing on work, watching great movies, eating good food, etc. all have a way of balancing the chemicals in our brain. Enjoying a connection with a friend, or partner, is great, but you don’t want to overly focus on someone else. You want to enjoy all aspects of your life.
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