Being the perfect girlfriend can be a tricky thing to tackle. You may be able to maintain the perfect career, car, and house, but maintaining a relationship is no walk in the park. Relationships are fun in the beginning, but after the “new” wears off, the rest can be somewhat complicated. Most women choose to wear different masks in relationships and not valuing who they truly are. The real you is what a man really wants. Continue reading to learn how to be the girlfriend you desire to be for your mate.
1. Be yourself
Always be true to yourself. Continue doing the things you did before you were in a relationship. If you ran at the park, continue running. If you like to paint, continue painting. He will respect you more if you continue with being yourself. In relationships, women can tend to let themselves go or only make plans around the man’s schedule. Don’t be that type of woman. Known who you are and flaunt it. You are fabulous and he loves you for who you are. Unleash your quirky Zooey Deschanel self. Men love a woman with tons of personality and humor. So let your true loving self shine.
2. Communicate
Communication is the top reason most relationships fail to launch. How can you read a dating article without the mention of communication? We are in a world where communication has lessened drastically. People are spending more time at home due to the technology craze. I do like the saying “Idle hands are the devils playground.” This is exactly what’s happening. More people are in their head assuming and creating situations that do not even exist. It is becoming one’s own demise. Instead of making presumptive decisions, communicate with your partner. Open up to him/her about what you are feeling and how certain actions make you feel. And, get out of your head and back to living. I love the Sara Bareilles’ song “Brave” because it really inspires people to say what needs to be said. For granted, there are ways to say what you need to get across without attitude and maliciousness attached. Communicate your feelings and emotions effectively and he will grow to appreciate that you were willing to share that part of yourself with him.
3. Trust Him
First question, why are you with someone that you do not trust? Seems like a waste of energy. Being a good girlfriend means opening up with another being and trusting them. If you have a history of dating guys that you do not trust, then open up to your current boyfriend about your past. Talk about your past, but do not dare relive it. Most men are understanding of this issue and he will be willing to take the necessary steps in order to earn your trust. Open your heart and trust that he is the person you are destined to be with at this time. Let the fear dissipate and the love you need will come in.
4. Accept Him
May times in relationships, women try to change a man. Women may think they are being inspiring, but in all actuality, women are hindering men from being their true selves. I don’t know how many times I hear one of my friends complain about their boyfriend not watching romance comedies or taking initiative in cleaning their house. First off, men are not telepathic and if you are not up front with the problems you have in the relationship, then know the problem will not magically disappear, it will magnify. Communicate as needed. But, also be understanding that if he didn’t want to see romance comedies when you are dating and if he doesn’t do certain things around the house, accept him as he is. Nagging only pushes men away. Try and find a compromise, but accept and love him for who he is. In the end, we all desire to be accepted for who we truly are.
5. Respect
Everyone loves the infamous Aretha Franklin song “Respect.” Surprisingly, the song was written by a man. Otis Redding wrote the song, yet Aretha sang it. Men want more respect when they come home. And honestly, that’s what most people crave in all relationships. Being disrespected is a big reason why many relationships end up not working. Who wants to be with someone who is downing them and criticizing them all the time? Evaluate the language you use when talking to your boyfriend. Make sure that you are following the Golden Rule and treating him how you want to be treated. It is a two way street. Respect is earned.
6. Commonality
I really hate when others say “Opposites Attract.” This idea is so 80s and it came out of a Paula Abdul song. Dating your opposite may work for you, but it does not work for all. In my personal experience, it is best to date someone who has similar interests as yourself. What do you talk about if you have nothing in common? Who you date is a true reflection of self. If your partner enjoys doing outdoor adventures, then initiate a date at the park. If he likes to go out to the clubs, then join him. You can either can take a cooking class or join a gym together. Most couples thrive because they enjoy doing the same thing. So step out of your comfort zone and connect on a deeper level. Find that common ground and enjoy each other’s company.
7. Introversion vs. Extroversion
Knowing if you are more of an introvert or extrovert can be a relationship savior. I am a true Southern Belle who loves a great conversation next to my tea and lemonade. Naturally I am more of an extrovert, but I do love to have down time as well. A few years back, I dated this guy who was a complete introvert. So we had to find a compromise in the relationship. We would go out on Friday and stay at home on Saturday. It worked out perfectly to fit our unique personalities. So ask your boyfriend questions to find out which personality he most likely fits with to make sure you both are on the same page.
8. Let go of negativity
Sometimes you may only see the glass half empty, but it is imperative for you to start finding the silver lining in things. So what, you get caught in traffic and you are having a bad hair day. Start saying I am not a fan of traffic, but I am thankful for the car I have. Another complain in relationships going south are because of the negativity drawn into the relationships. Make sure that you are saying positive things about your boyfriend and not spewing negativity all over the place. Men cannot stand women who always see the downside of things.
9. Reevaluate your time
A lot of single girls have a lot of spare time on their hands. So they may keep themselves busy with going shopping, playing sports, hanging out with their friends, and doing other various activities. Well, things change when you get into a relationship. And finding time for your man can be hard especially if you are working or may be in school. Find the time to spend with your boyfriend. Even if it is a small one hour lunch date. You both can also catch Sunday brunch or he can help you study for a big test. Don’t forget to include him in your life or your relationship will wilt instead of blossom. It shows that you care and are making time for him. And, what is a relationship without time?
10. Self-care
Get that massage, pedicure, and practice self- care daily. Self-care is the one thing most people lack. It is the thing that leads to burnout and negative mentality. Self-care can help prevent exhaustion, fatigue, and even sometimes depression. Make sure that you are taking care of yourself and keeping yourself up. We all have gotten into a relationship and gotten comfortable. And just maybe we gain an extra ten pounds. I have been guilty of this. Don’t get lazy. Keep up your appearances. Continue to work out and be your best self for your boyfriend and for yourself.
11. Love yourself unconditionally.
Some people may say that loving yourself is a selfish act, but there is a level of self-care that is needed in one’s life. If you do not like a certain part of your body, then start with saying kinder things about your nose and eventually you will start to like your nose. Truly loving yourself and doing the things you love will keep you more passionate and driven for success. Men love women who are extremely confident and know how to hold their own in relationships. Do not get so caught up in loving him that you neglect yourself. And I love how Rupaul says, “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else.”
12. Be thoughtful
Sometimes the small things is all that counts. If you are in the mall and he said he needs a new shirt for work, then help him out with picking one up. Guys like to see that a woman is listening and knows how to do little things for him. If he is working late at work, then make dinner for him. If he complains about his back hurting then carve out the time to give him a message. Be thoughtful and he will surely pay you back.
13. Fully invest
So many people are in relationships half-way not all the way. If there is an ex that you are not completely over, then seek counseling or writing or some way to find the closure that you need. Men can feel when you are not fully invest. And, unfortunately, this is what causes most women from getting married. If you have a hard time fully loving someone due to lack of love as a child, then talk with your partner about this. Sometimes just talking about deep personal things can make your boyfriend see you in a different light. If you are willing to share yourself with someone it shows that you are willing to take the long haul with him which can possibly lead to marriage.
14. Let go
Just like the Frozen song, “Let it go.” Make sure that you have let go of previous relationships. Also, I am ashamed to admit this, but two years after I broke up with a guy, one of the things he said he wished I would have done was to let go more. It was hard to admit this to myself, but he was totally accurate in his observation of me. Sometimes allowing yourself to let go and have more fun can bring about a new closeness with your boyfriend. I had not let go of other relationships; therefore, I found it difficult to let go and fully be myself with anyone. Re-evaluate if you bring any baggage into the relationship. If you do, quickly unpack it and move forward.
15. Allow space
I can feel you rolling your eyes at this one. But it is so true. A common complaint in relationships is that people can be too clingy and over text and over call. Don’t be this person. It shows that you have no identity and life of your own. Allow adequate space if you feel it is needed. Let your boyfriend know that you bring something to the relationship. You can breathe away from him from time to time.
16. Be willing to change
Be willing to grow with your boyfriend and not grow apart. When you take a class, share it with your boyfriend. A lot of couples admit that they grew apart in relationships, so make sure that you are willing to grow personally. Sometimes we can get stuck in our own ways and not want to see another point of view. Do not be this person. Be open and willing to see different sides to beliefs and views.
17. Keep your independence.
On the contrary of being willing to grow, never forget who you are. Never give up pursuing your dreams and personal endeavors. If you have dreams of being a writer or singer, then don’t get distracted. Keep doing what you did before. Men love to see a woman being successful and going after what she wants in life. Continue to attend social gatherings, playing sports, and going to Zumba class. Even continue your dorky book club. As long as it keeps you happy, that is all that matters. Carry on doing the things you love even when you have a new love.
18. Be impeccable with your word.
Actions really do speak louder than words. If you say you are going to do something then do it to the best of your ability. Men evaluate things based on the facts not what is said. If you said you will be at The Cheesecake Factory at 8, then be there at that time. If you said you would pick up his clothes at the cleaners, then pick them up. Men gain a lot of respect for women who do what they say. This also ties in the trust factor which was previously discussed. Always follow through.
19. Open your heart
Lust hurts, love endures. Knowing the difference between love and lust is a hard lesson, but very thankful when it finally sinks in, its in. Lust is being with someone who loves everything about you on the outside; love is someone who loves everything about you on the inside. The partner who is always there and works through problems instead of walking away is one worth keeping. When you’re in love, your partner will love your freckles, your snort laugh, your annoying little brother, and when you are at your worst. Love knows how to endure the dark times and thrive in the light. Make sure that you represent yourself accurately. So many people go through life not fully loving their partner. It hurts not only you, but your partner if you are too scared to love. Even if you have been hurt in the past never give up on love. Love remains and always perseveres no matter what you are going through in life. You deserve to give love and have it returned. So keep your heart open.
20. Remain grateful
So many times, I’ve heard that people give and give in relationships and the thing they lack is feeling appreciate. Always appreciate what you have not only in relationships as well as everything around you. Tell your boyfriend how much you love him and are grateful that he is in your life. Tell him how he makes you a better person. Be willing to share your vulnerability with your boyfriend and your relationship with surely grow. Keep a grateful heart and he will surely keep the same for you.
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