If you’re considering dating a man with kids, this article will help you prepare for how it will be different than dating someone who has never been a father. When a person is responsible for looking out for the health and well being of another human, he will be distracted way more than you’re used to. Get ready to help him along with the beautiful process of raising a child and learn about yourself in the process.
What You Should to Know
His priorities will be different than other men you have dated and you will need to act and speak in a more censored way. Make sure you don’t swear in front of the kids and dress appropriately. When you take on a mentor role, the kids will look up to you and start behaving like you.
The father will have to manage his finances carefully and may not be spending money on you because his kids come first. Don’t be surprised if pizza dinners on paper plates are the norm instead of romantic dinners at a restaurant. The way he uses his time will be based around his children. He will have to help them with schoolwork, feed them, get them to bed, pick them up from activities and spend time just hanging out with them. Plans can change at the drop of a hat if someone gets hurt or sick so don’t take it personally.
Pros and Cons
The good thing about dating someone with kids is that he will probably be more responsible than a bachelor. He will be loving and considerate and you will be able to share many memorable experiences with him as his children graduate, win a basketball game, lose a tooth or go to their first school dance.
He will have different stress that you may not be used to like choosing where to live based on school districts or deciding which parents to trust when his kids want a play date at a friends house. He will also need to discipline his children at times which you will need to be prepared for as well. Children go through many learning lessons and you can’t get mad at them for making mistakes. You need a lot of patience to deal with a man who has children. He will also probably worry about what to feed them and how to keep them happy. You may feel a little bit like you’re on the back burner but it’s just different, not bad.
How To Act
Bring a sense of humor and try to be light hearted. If you’re used to being in control in a relationship, get used to being flexible. Kids are the priority because they have so much to learn and the adults are there to nurture them. Try not to talk about yourself too much to the kids and never dump your problems on them. Let your partner do the disciplining and try not to tell them what to do. Just be nice, make sure you show them you care about them and listen to them when they talk.
Tips
The worst thing you could do is brush off the children or make them feel ignored. Never complain that you don’t have enough alone time because a family operates differently. A family is about being together and enjoying each other’s company. You should offer to help out in anyway you can by making yourself available to pick up the kids or pick stuff up at the store for them. The more excited you can be about the kid’s happiness and new adventures in life, the better things will go.
Be ok with using your imagination and playing if he has young kids. Even if you’re not used to rolling around on the floor, be ok with having fun and goofing around. Kids need lots of positive energy because they are sensitive to the way adults behave. Your partner will appreciate if you make an effort to engage with them too.
Make sure you are a good influence. Don’t try to get your partner to let them watch rated R movies or encourage them to ask for candy. If you bring them something make sure to run it by him first. He probably has specific rules you should know about that will help you be on board with how he is raising them. Don’t worry you’ll get used to it. Just breathe, stay positive and try not to impose your ideas about parenting on him.
Warning
If you don’t like kids, you probably shouldn’t date a guy with kids. You will need to be very secure in yourself because you will probably have to deal with his ex on a very regular basis. You need to accept that he may have to communicate with her on a daily basis.
Make sure you take time to get to know the man first before you become a part of the kids lives. It can be very hard for kids to constantly meet new people and then have to say goodbye to them after they are close. It can create anxiety for the kids and you should protect them and wait until you know the man really well before meeting them.
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